Good news, Curt. This year, in deference to the grueling presidential election we just endured, I will not engage in the politics of personal destruction — even though you personally have been referred to as a Swinging Chad.
No, sir. I will not tell people that your Super Bowl predictions are normally as reliable as airport soup.
Or that your idea of research during Super Bowl week is seeing just how carefully that “six-foot” rule is enforced in Tampa.
I will not mention that last year you declared, “If Tennessee doesn’t win this Super Bowl, may God strike me with gray hair and glasses!” (See photo.)
Nor will I mention that when someone told you the halftime show this year would feature Britney Spears, you said, “I hate asparagus, what else are they serving?”
I will tell people this: You are who you hang out with. And clearly you have been spending too much time hanging around Shannon Sharpe.
Curt, Curt, Curt. In the school of life, never let your professor be a buffoon. Shannon Sharpe will say anything. He will tell you Baltimore is great. He will tell you Baltimore will win.
He also will tell you Einstein got the whole relativity thing from him, and, oh yeah, that Bill Gates guy? He cheated off Shannon’s paper.
That’s the linchpin on which you’re hanging your prediction — that Baltimore will beat the Giants in this Super Bowl?
Pretty thin stuff, Curt, considering, if you take Shannon Sharpe out of the game, the next time Baltimore scores is the fifth week of the 2007 season.
I will give you two reasons the Ravens cannot win this Super Bowl: “Trent” and
“Dilfer.” I mean, how much can you get behind a team whose quarterback says,
“I believe this team can win despite me”?
Despite him?
Curt, if Baltimore wins, then we have to give Super Bowls to Andre Ware, Ryan Leaf, Rick Mirer and every other hotshot turned gasbag. Can’t you see, for the good of the league, we need anybody but Baltimore to win?
It just so happens there is only one alternative. My pick. New York. And it’s not because Kerry Collins is back on track and it’s not because the defense is smothering and it’s not because Jason Sehorn managed to shut down the best receiver in football, Randy Moss, and Moss is only eight times better than anyone on Baltimore’s roster.
No, Curt. Take it from me. New York — whose last loss was a blowout to our own beloved Lions — will win for one simple, unwavering, irreproachable reason.
It will drive Lions fans crazy.You don’t argue with that kind of kismet.
Giants 16, Ravens 13.
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