Yes, sir. It’s that time of year again. You open your door and on your porch is the entire sports world, singing its unique versions of popular Christmas carols. Such as …
Scott Mitchell sings …
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
I saw Bobby picking Charlie Batch
And I knew my Detroit years were thru
He could have used me once
Maybe let me kick some punts
Instead I’m standing every week
With a clipboard like a dunce
I saw Bobby picking Charlie Batch
And I knew that I would say good-bye
Oh, I wonder what you’ll say
When I finally have my day
And I came back playing for …Tampa Bay!
NBA players sing …
“The Twelve Days Of Christmas”
On the 170th day of the lockout
My accountant said to me,
“Sell your Mercedes, mortgage the condo
“Trade in the jewelry, unhook the cell phone
“Ask for a car loan, unload the beach house
“Yourrrrr stocks have crashhhhed
“Tell the stripper girl, you can’t go
“To Jamaica now
“And by the way, please pay me in cash.”
Baseball owners sing to Mark McGwire …
“God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman”
God rest ye merry home run king
For you have swung your bat
Seventy home runs this year
No one can topple that!
Bud Selig has just one request
Of your phenomenon
Next year could you hit seventy-one,
Just for fun?
How about you try for seventy-one?
Red Wings fans sing …
“Frosty the Snow Man”
Ozzie the goalie
Had a face of a young lad
If he tried to see, an “R” movie
They would say, “Go get your Dad”
Ozzie the goalie
Hadn’t won a Cup as yet
So the critics said, that the Wings were dead
If it came down to the net
But in the playoffs people saw
That Ozzie was an ace
And when he took the mask away
He had whiskers on his face!
Ozzie the goalie
Is a star now, which is nice
But when he goes, to the movie shows
He has to pay full price.
Dennis Rodman’s version of …
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
Dennis the red-nosed forward, didn’t have a thing to do
So he went to Las Vegas, Carmen went to Vegas, too
All of the other players, waited for the NBA
Dennis had some libations, he and Carmen went to play
On that very foggy night, a chapel they did find
Someone said, “Mr. Worm, do you?”
And he said, “Uh (Burp!) I do . . .”
When he woke up next morning
Dennis shouted out with glee
“Uh-oh, I think I’m married …
“Someone call my a-tor-ney!”
Mike Tyson sings …
“The Little Drummer Boy”
I saw Evander there, then
Chew, chew, chew, chew
His ear was hanging there, then
Chew, chew, chew, chew,
Right underneath his hair, I
Chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed,
I like mine medium rare
I chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed
Oh, how they booed!
Guess it was rude
Not just one ear, but two
I chew, chew, chew, chewed
A man needs his food.
Kansas State sings …
“Jingle Bell Rock”
Alamo, Alamo, Alamo Bowl
How did we drop
To the Alamo Bowl?
In our last game, we were No. 1
Boy, oh, boy, those days were fun!
Alamo, Alamo, Alamo Bowl
We were one play away
Florida State gets Tennessee — great
We get the Alamo-
We’re cryin in our towels-oh-
We get the Alamo Bowl!
NFL coaches sing …
“O Christmas Tree”
O Randy Moss, O Randy Moss
We now admit we blew it
We did resort, to your police report
We wish we could re-do it
If we had known, how good you are
Heck we’d have let you steal OUR car
If you desired, our scouts we’d fire
O Randy Moss, we blew it.
Michael Jordan sings …
“Silent Night”
Silent Night, gameless night,
Got no team, got no flight
Got no Scotty with which to fight
Phil refuses to reunite
If there’s no N-B-Aaaaaaa
Maybe some baseball I’ll play …
Mitch Albom will sign “Tuesdays With Morrie” 7-8 tonight at Barnes & Noble in Grosse Pointe and 5-6 p.m. Saturday at Borders in Birmingham (on Woodward). To leave a message for Mitch, call 1-313-223-4581 or E-mail albom@freepress.com
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