News Item:The first of several presidential debates will be tonight in St. Louis. George Bush, Bill Clinton and Ross Perot are promising to concentrate on the issues. . . . MODERATOR: Welcome to the presidential debates. Gentlemen, please introduce yourselves.CLINTON: Hello, George. BUSH: Hello, Comrade.PEROT: Be nice, boys, or I'll fire ya.MODERATOR: Ahem. Now then. Let's begin with a question on the economy. Gentlemen, what is wrong with the U.S. economy and what will you do about it if elected president?
If you were driving around Tuesday night listening to the Red Wings game on radio -- and as it turns out, that could be the last hockey game of the year -- you might have heard a segment between periods called "Spotlight on Amateur Hockey." It's an odd little program in which announcer Budd Lynch, with his deep, resonant voice, talks to kids about their hockey, in this case a 13-year-old:"So . . . I see you play defenseman.""Yeah.""Do you enjoy that position?""Uh-huh.""How's your coach?'"He's good."
As Christopher Columbus once said, "Where the hell are we?"Or, what's the deal with the Lions and their quarterbacks?The talk shows are buzzing. People are making choices. You'd think the Lions had a chance to win something this season, besides first pick in the draft.Erik or Rodney or Andre or . . . Chuck?
First, I fire the organ player.Hey. It's my team. My rules.I fire the organ player, because organs are for church, carnivals and '60s groups such as Paul Revere and The Raiders. Which might be a good name for my team. The Raiders. Or maybe The Rough Riders. I'll tell you this much: my team will not be named after a bird. The Orioles? The Cardinals? What were those owners smoking?Also, no peanuts. Go throw shells on someone else's carpet.My team. My rules.Oh, the possibilities! If I owned a baseball team? It's like Tevye in "Fiddler on the Roof":
* WASHINGTON 24, LIONS 17: I've already watched Jim Harbaugh, former Wolverine, beat the Lions. If Desmond Howard scores a touchdown in the final minute Sunday, I'm going to smack him in the head with his old Michigan helmet.* CINCINNATI 17, GREEN BAY 7: David Shula called up Don Shula last night and said, "Don't worry, Dad. One day you'll be 2-0 like me."
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Well, after careful analysis, I think we can all agree that the turning point in this game was the opening kickoff. That, or when Desmond Howard put on his uniform. I don't want to say Howard took over the Gator Bowl. I don't want to say he made the Ole Miss Rebels eat his dust. That wouldn't be fair. They didn't get close enough to eat his dust.
"You wanna be where everybody knows your name. . . . "-- Theme from "Cheers"ATLANTA -- Over in the corner, Dennis Rodman is racking up amazing points on the basketball machine. In another corner, Gerald Henderson talks quietly with a businessman. At the bar, Mark Hughes and Lance Blanks are chewing on hamburgers. In the back, George Blaha is eating catfish. Meanwhile, a large group of customers sits oblivious to all of them, watching a big-screen TV -- or one of 20 smaller screens -- and cheering a hockey game.
NEW ORLEANS -- "Hello, Doc.""Why, Mr. Elway. You're back.""Yeah.""Something wrong?""Kind of.""Want to talk about it?""Guess so.""Lie down on the couch. Now then, is the press bothering you again?""A little bit.""You feel suffocated.""Well, I--""You are overwhelmed.""Well, I--""They're asking what kind of Halloween candy you gave out. They're interviewing your milkman. They're picking through your trash, hoping to find what brand of toilet paper you use."
Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.
