THE LIVE ALBOM:
* Bo Jackson will play in the NFL “as a hobby.” So? What’s the fuss? I write this column only in my off-hours as president of General Motors.
* Besides, Jackson’s plan is not even original. The Lions have had lots of guys who played football as a hobby. Unfortunately, they were starters.
* Nice of Harrison Ford to take time out of his busy movie schedule to win the British Open, in the role of Nick Faldo.
* By the way, after his win, Faldo announced he was running for parliament, as a hobby.
* ODE TO LANCE PARRISH
I think it was Fields, As in W.C.,
Who upon his tombstone did consent:
“I’d Rather Be Here
Than In Philadelphia”
And now Lance, you know what he meant
* Any day now, I figure the Cleveland Indians will make their move.
* Could it be? Really? Could it possibly be? I mean, is it even thinkable? The Lions’ No. 1 draft pick will be a holdout? No! How could that happen? That never happens. Nah.
* At least Chuck Long will be around this time. Unless he takes up hockey as a hobby.
* By the way, the Lions, as you can see, will try the Gladys Knight & The Pips approach to quarterback this season. From now on, all backups must wear matching shorts, sing and dance in unison, and memorize the following audible:
“Hut-one, hut-two, shoo-wop, shoo-waahhhh!”
* Let’s see. Pellet gun, mace, earplugs, $500 for subway fare. Yep. I’m all set for the Tigers series in New York next weekend.
* Rumor: George Steinbrenner will run a ship business as a hobby. Oops. He already does that.
* I will personally strangle the next person who brings up the subject of the
“lively ball.”
* I mean that. Don’t test me.
* Many fans were hoping Lee Trevino would win at Muirfield last week. I was, too. He deserves to be remembered for more than a few U.S. Opens, a few PGAs, and the three years he spent under the name Robert Blake, in TV’s “Baretta.”
* The worst part of this Tigers surge is the apologizing some of us will have to do in September.
* “BIRD STEALS THE BALL!” Just testing your reflexes. You can come down now.
** BEST REAL SPORTS NAMES OF THE MONTH: Tennis: Peanut Louie, (U.S.) Cycling: Beat Brue (Switzerland) Track: Sunday Uti (Nigeria) Golf: Jumbo Ozaki, Jet Ozaki (Air Japan)
* Well, a lot of people are picking Paul Azinger to win the Buick Open, but my money is on this guy, a Cinderella story, former greenskeeper, coming out of nowhere. . . . CUTLINE Ford as Ford Ford as Faldo Take dat to da bank . . . Lee?
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