So this is the week that Bo Jackson returns to Kansas City wearing a helmet. Not a bad idea, considering the treatment he’ll receive.
As everyone knows, Jackson is playing football in his spare time away from baseball. The people in Kansas City, where he plays baseball, would rather he concentrate on his summer game. You know, like NOT STRIKING OUT SO MUCH!
Jackson, meanwhile, says football, which he plays for the LA Raiders, is only his hobby, and most of us who have split our heads and broken all our bones while trying to glue a model airplane together can understand what he means.
Well, as if this weren’t fun enough, now we are told Jackson has been drafted by a third sport. Basketball. The IBA, a league for players 6-feet-4 and under, made Jackson one of its draft selections last week. And Jackson says he will listen to the league’s offer (provided it’s for BIG MONEY) even though, as he admits: “My sister can beat me at basketball.”
Imagine how much they’ll offer his sister.
Bo, kid, why stop there? Hockey is wide open. And boxing. How about synchronized swimming? No, wait, you need a partner. You could get your sister
— no, forget it, she’ll be playing basketball. Lacrosse! Badminton! Luge!
Why, just think of all the sports out there, Bo! And once a week, you can still engage in your personal favorite: Going To The Bank. During which, one day, you will surely drop dead of a heart attack.
Oh, well.
And now for this week’s picks. . . .
BUCCANEERS 24, LIONS 20: Give me one good reason to pick the Lions. Give me half a reason.
MINNESOTA 28, GREEN BAY 20: A quarter of a reason?
LA RAIDERS 21, KANSAS CITY 16: This Kansas City team would like to have Bo Jackson. Or Michael Jackson, or Tito Jackson, or Jermaine Jackson.
NEW ENGLAND 20, NY JETS 19: Most franchises have a team bus. The Jets have a team stretcher.
LA RAMS 28, ATLANTA 10: Can I get a “WHO CARES?” please?
CLEVELAND 27, CINCINNATI 10: The battle for Ohio. The winner should get to move.
MIAMI 21, PHILADELPHIA 20: I’ll bet Buddy Ryan eats dolphin all week.
NY GIANTS 24, ST. LOUIS 22: The Giants are now selling their autobiographies from the trunks of their cars.
SAN DIEGO 24, PITTSBURGH 17: Wake up, Chargers. The season’s almost over.
WASHINGTON 24, DALLAS 20: Once upon a time, this was a classic. Once upon a time, Tom Landry had hair.
INDIANAPOLIS 19, BUFFALO 14: First the Colts get an offense. Now they get a defense. What are those guys eating?
SEATTLE 24, DENVER 20: And if you blow this, Seahawks, just stay in that dome until next September.
SAN FRANCISCO 24, CHICAGO 17: Tickets! Get your Super Bowl tickets! This will undoubtedly be better than the one in January.
BEST PICK LAST WEEK: NY Giants 24, Philadelphia 21 (Giants won, 23-20).
WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Cleveland 29, Indianapolis 20 (Indianapolis won, 9-7).
RECORD LAST WEEK: 6-8.
RECORD AGAINST THE SPREAD: 3-11.
RECORD FOR SEASON: 79-58-1.
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